


Caw Caw Motherfucker (A.K.A. The Avengers - mostly Natasha - being 1000% done with Clint and his bird delusions)

by midnightecho



Series: MCU LOLZ!!1! [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Any relationship stuff will be, Bird Crew, Caw Caw Motherfucker, F/M, Fluff, Funny, Gen, M/M, They'll probably all come into it at some point, mostly Nat and Clint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-02-27 07:37:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 5,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2684633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightecho/pseuds/midnightecho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble series of Clint using his famous catchphrase, "caw caw motherfucker", as a way of getting out of every situation. </p><p>Updates frequently</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Pen

**Author's Note:**

> Here are three chapters to get it going; I started on these one night and just couldn't stop. I can tell this whole series will continue for a long time. Marvel is what gives me joy in life.  
> See the earlier parts of this series for more MCU lolz, including Tony making puns and Bucky wanting a haircut.

"Okay, who took my pen?"

Clint creeps past behind Nat, a pen held daintily between his teeth. 

"Caw caw, motherfucker," he says, before leaping to the side out of her grasp.


	2. T'was, In Fact, A Peck

"Did you just headbutt my shoulder?"

Clint nudges Nat, more gently this time to indicate that it was in fact a peck. 

"Caw caw motherfucker," he whispers.


	3. I'm Sure There Are Hooks On The Ceiling of Avengers Tower

"Clint, get down from there."

Of course, Clint refuses and swings past on a rope that he's somehow attached to the ceiling. 

"CAW CAW!" he yell on his first swing past Natasha. Her bitchface is firmly in place by the time he swings back the other way, arms flapping, and yells, "MOTHERFUCKER!"


	4. Birds Don't Need Sleep

"Clint, it's bedtime."

He huddles up in his nest, snug and warm, and closes his eyes. "Caw caw," he smiles to himself.

Nat turns to walk away and go flip some knives or something but a rustling noise makes her pause in her tracks and turn back. 

Clint opens one eye and grins at her. "Motherfucker."


	5. Halloween

"Clint, is that seriously your Halloween outfit?"

Clint looks offended and ruffles the feathers of his homemade wings in Nat's direction, giving them a demonstrative flap for good measure.

"Caw caw, motherfucker," he responds, some of the attitude subtracted by the echo of his voice in the makeshift paper beak.


	6. Tony Does Not Help The Situation

"This really isn’t a good idea.”

Tony shrugs and allows a grinning Clint to clamber onto his back before firing up his mini indoor boosters (they’re some offcasts from suit development that fit neatly onto his hands and feet without needing the rest of the bulk. They have been the source of hours of fun in Avengers Tower) and flying up to the top of the room, looping the loop in a probably incredibly dangerous fashion.

When they steady, Clint punches the air and whoops before looking back down to Nat, where she stands with arms crossed, and he aims a middle finger down at her and yells “CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER!”


	7. Hide and Seek

“Clint, come on, we stopped playing hide and seek ages ago. Plus I’ve found you now. I know you can hear me, Clint.”

Nat gazes up expectantly at his ceiling perch and is almost hit in the face by a falling set of hearing aids.

“Caw caw, motherfucker,” comes the stubborn response.


	8. Clint Has Alcohol

"Clint, I think you've had enough now."

Clint is enjoying the party. He's hanging upside down, legs hooked over the top of a door, an arrow nocked in casual defence of his new spot. His head bobs to the bass of whatever 80s classic rock song is playing (Tony is by the bar trying to convince a still-not-drunk Steve that ‘Back in Black’ is revolutionary and 'awesome'. Steve's skeptical expression stays throughout the speech and he smirks at the end, which only sets Tony off again). Clint pouts at Nat and aims his arrow at her in defiant response (though it persistently drifts away from the bow), adjusting his hanging position and saying "Caw ca-"

Steve manages to spot disaster just before it happens and rushes over, depositing his drink on the way and catching both Clint and his bow before they end up in a concussed pile on the floor.

Clint blinks up at Steve, eyes hazy from the drink and blood rush. "Mother _fucker,"_ he finishes, rubbing his head.


	9. Nesting

Clint's door squeaks a little as Pepper wanders in to collect the washing (she likes to do the rounds every Saturday morning - it's comforting somehow). She can't help but smile at the sight of the avenger curled up in the middle of his bed atop an incredibly comfy-looking nest of clothes. 

She gently shakes his shoulder, trying to rouse him - he does have a meeting to attend half an hour ago, after all - but he only curls in tighter on himself, holding his clothes protectively and muttering "caw caw" in his semi conscious state. 

_Motherfucker,_ Pepper fills in for him in her mind. She elects to leave him to sleep another few hours. Maybe he'll become nocturnal. Well, at least Tony will have someone to hang out with.


	10. Don't.

It's 6am. Literally _six in the morning,_ and Clint is already up, cawing his fucking head off.

"CAW CAW, MOTHERFUCKERS!" he shouts as he parades through the tower with a frying pan and wooden spoon.

 _"Clint, you're not a fucking cockrel,"_ Nat hisses from her doorway when he goes past her room. 

He pauses and contemplates her, head cocked to one side, then turns to consider the door on the other side of the corridor. _Bruce's room._

"Clint, don’t-"

He grins wickedly and pushes open the door, yelling at the top of his lungs. Nat backs into her room and closes the door just in time to hear “COCKADOODLE- _FUCK!”_ and several loud thuds followed by an extremely angry Hulk roar.


	11. Date Night

"Really?"

Clint and Nat sit it the middle of a restaurant, food just arrived. Clint's main course is satellited by small bowls filled with nuts and seeds.

He takes a handful and sprinkles some on top of his food, then opens his mouth to say something but gets cut off before he can even start. 

"If you say 'caw caw' I swear to God I will knife you right here right now."

Clint glances around at the other people in the restaurant and thinks better of it. He hangs his head in shame - oh, no, he's leaning down to eat some of his seeds _like a fucking bird_ and he receives a painful stiletto to the shin.

Nat doesn't know why she bothers sometimes.


	12. Angry Birds

When Tony first got everyone their Starkphones, he knew Fury wanted them to have something practical and simple to use that would benefit comms in missions as well as day to day life. That did not mean, in any interpretation, that they did not need to be fun at the same time.

Tony says fun; that term kind of backfired. Who knew that time-wasting games could be so addictive and yet so infuriating? 

After half an hour of owning the devices, the whole of Avengers Tower sounded like this:

_"Take that, you piggy motherfucker!"_

_"The Birds will out!"_

_"NO, DIE YOU LITTLE SHIT."_

_"Shit guys, these ones fucking _explode."__

_"FREEDOMMMMM!"_

Clint, of course, masters it in minutes. Turns out his aim is just as good with a virtual slingshot as with a physical bow and arrow. In the end, as the others fall further behind one by one (Steve put up an impressively good fight) it becomes a race between Clint’s natural flair and Tony's mechanics mind, assisted by JARVIS' calculations and advice - "I would advise aiming one third of a degree closer to the horizontal." "Yeah, well that's fucking helpful isn't it - hang on, get it up on a big screen - there we go" - he's now bodily involved in this shot, crouching down to aim his bird - "and give me some angles - that look good to you?" "It is perfect, sir." He lets it shoot across the screen that spans the room and there's a cheer (and a bow) when the level is taken down with the one bird, crushing every little pig, even the ones hiding under glass.

Clint still wins. He finishes every level on the original version in a total of 1 hour and 37 minutes, announcing his victory by holding up his phone, saying "Done" and switching on the TV. 

The other Avengers holler and Tony denies it, marching over and grabbing Clint's phone from the table. 

"Son of a bitch."

"But, Eye of Hawk," Thor says as they join him on the sofas. "How did you succeed so suddenly? This ancient virtual game requires such manual precision. On such a small screen, tis near impossible."

Clint smirks. "Well, for a start, I have dainty fingers. And I just had to look into those little birdies' eyes and I know where their heads were at. Those guys needed a fellow bird to help them. To share their anger. And I was the bird to help them."

"This isn't over til we've done the extension packs," Tony vows.


	13. Clint Watches Chicken Run

Clint spends almost the entire movie curled up against Nat, hiding away whenever Mrs Tweedy came near. He took to hissing at her in his dislike, and on more than one occasion, he gave a warning squawk to the plasticine chickens on screen. When the whole pie factory scene came along, he burrowed under Nat's arm and into the cushions.

He became incredibly protective of Babs, and took up knitting in her honour after the film finished. 

He literally sat in Nat's lap and knitted for three hours. He made her a little hat and still refuses to call her anything but Ginger. 

He has also been searching YouTube for guides to deciphering the Scottish accent.


	14. Injured Wing

It's stupid how he did it, really. Just a silly little contest... All ego and no sense. That's just him all over, isn't it? Well, he's learnt his lesson and he won't do it again. He wasn't in his right mind anyway; they'd all had a lot to drink, and Clint...

Clint actually _genuinely_ thought it would be a good idea to challenge Thor, God of Thunder, to an arm wrestle.

Now he sits in a corner, arm cast and slung, advised not to move around much for the next week. No matter how grumpy he looks, Nat won't take pity on him. He brought this on himself; he can deal with it by himself. He chirps in earnest every time she walks past, helplessly flapping his broken wing- arm. She rolls her eyes and walks on. (Although she will go and give him a hug when no-one else is around).


	15. A New Friend

Steve’s said his name is Sam Wilson, but that can’t be trusted. Not that Clint doesn’t trust Steve; he just may have been given false information. Strangers are always treated with caution.

“So… _Sam…_ how do you know Steve?” Clint enquires, perched on the arm of the sofa beside the newcomer.

“Well,” Sam begins, “we both run round the Lincoln Memorial Pool every morning. That is literally how I met Cap, which is… a bit weird I’ll admit. Anyway. Both served, both out of it now. He needed a hand one time, kicked HYDRA ass with him and your girlfriend, and… guess I’m part of the team now. If you’ll want me.”

Clint narrows his eyes. Still not in the clear. Nat mentioned him vaguely, but…

“He didn’t tell you the best part,” Steve chips in, grinning. “Sam here didn’t just serve, he flew. One of these.”

The file lands on the coffee table and Clint’s eyes go wide.

“You’re… you’re a bird too?”

Sam smiles. “Falcon through and through.”

Clint gives a small squeak of happiness and falls sideways off the arm and onto Sam’s lap.

Steve gives Sam a look to reassure him that this kind of behaviour is normal, so Sam shrugs and decides he’ll just roll with it.


	16. Bird Crew

Sam and Clint are inseparable. They've even formed what they like to call a 'bird crew'. They spend most of their time up to their bird antics, generally pissing everyone else off. 

Sam hasn't had this much fun for years. Finally: someone who gets him. Sure, Captain America is a great friend and all that, but even so, he's a literal living legend. It's kind of hard not too literally bow down to him. (If course, Sam keeps this all on the inside.)

Clint, on the other hand, has done the whole service thing as well, plus he's a fellow bird. The only difference is, Clint has never actually flown before. 

That soon changes. 

Sam takes Clint out onto the balcony of Avengers Tower and asks him one simple question: "Do you want to fly?"

The response "Fuck yeah, motherfucker" is not quite what he was expecting - that's a lie, it's _exactly_ what he expected - but Sam grins and grabs Clint around his chest, launches them forward and engages the Falcon wings.

Clint is beside himself. They soar around the skyline, swooping down low every now and again to surprise the locals, cawing all the way.

By the time Sam's arms ache and they land back on the balcony, Clint feels on top of the world. He doesn't think he'll ever stop grinning. 

"So," he says when he gets his breath back. "Time for me to fly solo?"

Clint will prize Sam's slightly terrified expression forever.


	17. Feeding Time

"Oh my god."

Nat walks into the living room and the first thing she sees is Sam laid down on the sofa, head back and mouth open. Clint has a whole tray of food that he's busy dropping into Sam's mouth.

Well, at least he's not regurgitating it. She definitely won't be advising that bird behaviour. 

Sam glances up and catches her disapproving expression. 

"Caw caw, motherfucker," he says before catching another grape. 

_Oh gOD._


	18. Christmas: Snacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first of 12 Christmas-themed chapters to get you in the spirit!

Clint likes Christmas. His favourite thing about it is the huge scavenging opportunity.

Pepper has laid out a huge selection of snacks and nibbles for everyone to keep them going throughout the day (although going by the size of last year’s Christmas dinner, they should be plenty full for the next 24 hours) and Clint has watched her doing so from the rafters all morning. Whenever she leaves the room to get the next lot, he sneaks down, grabs a handful and runs back up before she’s back. 

He has a stash the size of a cabbage before anyone else is even awake.

When Nat comes to drag him to breakfast, she finds him sat nibbling away at a handful of nuts, taking one for himself and then dropping one into Sam’s mouth (who had decided to join his buddy in the Bird Spot, as they’ve come to call it). The stash sits in front of them, now filling a bucket to the brim.

She just rolls her eyes and leaves.


	19. Christmas: Tree Decorating

It's always a bit of a disaster: decorating the Christmas tree in Avengers Tower. With so many strong-willed people in one room, it's bound to be. Tony and Bruce hang decorations fashioned from circuit boards where they can, pushing around Steve and taking down his delicate origami to make room for their stuff (well, that's what Tony does; Bruce respectfully places his next to Steve's and is secretly endeared by the dainty swans and robins).

Thor has taken ownership of the back of the tree, claiming that sharing Asgard's culture with the world outside the window is more important than pleasing their own eyes. He has a remarkably creative touch, stacking the branches with the ornaments he brought down with him, and it all has an ethereal shimmer about it. With the medieval look of the Asgardian pieces, Nat's knives and stingers fit perfectly amongst them, and are now hidden in plain sight just in case the occasion for their use arises. 

Pepper manages to keep them all away from one section of the tree, decorating it tastefully with high-end tinsel and baubles. Sam figures that's the most normal thing that's happening and gives her a hand. 

Clint, on the other hand, has decided the take the most active role in the decoration. The biggest squabble is always who gets to decide what goes on top of the tree, so before they can even get to that stage of conversation, Clint climbs up into the rafters and lowers himself down onto the tree, perching carefully on the fine branches. It's a surprisingly long time before anyone notices he's up there, but eventually Nat does and huffs at him in frustration. She had been depending on his vote for her favourite throwing star to go on top this year, but apparently you can't rely on anyone in this place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next three chapters will be written and uploaded on Wednesday afternoon (GMT) as I have my English coursework deadline which should kinda, you know, take precedence.


	20. Christmas: Festive Biscuits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I took a bigger break than I intended, but I'm catching up today because I've already written the xmas day one and that has to go up

Clint has a surprising talent for baking. You’d not immediately expect it of him, but all of those hours spent on the farm had to be filled with something, you’d guess. 

He emerges from the kitchen with a tray full of freshly made and decorated biscuits. Nat leans forwards with eagerness - she'd been waiting for them since she could smell them cooking half an hour ago - and smiles at the delicate robin-shaped biscuits, but as she reaches out for one -

"Uh-uh," Clint says, slapping her hand away. "Bird crew only." He offers them to Sam, who takes a few with a big smug grin in Nat's direction (but when Clint turns around he chucks one across to her and she stuffs it in her mouth, chompIng it down in seconds and getting a suspicious glance from Clint when he turns back around. He doesn't say anything,so they figure they got away with it).


	21. Christmas: Mulled Wine Part 1

"Caw," Clint mutters as he nuzzles against Nat on the sofa. Nat, however, is quite seriously into a game of MarioKart versus Thor, Tony and Darcy so shrugs him off. Clint's had too much mulled wine, and gets overly affectionate when he's tipsy.

"Stop cawing," Nat says distractedly. "I'm racing here. Why don't you go have fun with you bird buddy?"

So Clint finds Sam and gets him lots of mulled wine as well. 

They end up hanging upside down in the rafters and dropping a multitude of objects on top of the people sat below and giggling to themselves far too much. They even develop a scoring system, and the 20-point bonus is for getting Nat and causing her to crash her kart. Clint manages it three times before a bullet is fired up at him.


	22. Christmas: Mulled Wine Part 2

Sam and Clint decide, in their intoxicated state, that they should also annoy people who aren't there. This comes in the form of drink prank calls. 

"This is Hill."

_"SQUAWK!!!"_

There's a distant sound of screeching tyres that comes down the line. As the line cuts out, the sound could probably be described as a crash.

"Mm hmm?" Fury sounds instantly pissed off from the moment he picks up.

"This is Sergeant... Bird." Clint can come up with nothing better, and as soon as he says it out loud it sounds both ingenious and hilarious. He and Sam laugh so much that they barely hear Fury's response:

"When Christmas is over, I'm gonna fucking kill you, Barton." The call cuts abruptly, but not without a weary sigh. 

They call Nat, who is sat below them, and she jumps into alert mode when it rings, allowing Yoshi to swerve off-course. When she sees the caller ID, though, she slams down her Wii controller, stands up and yells up at them "I'D ALMOST WON RAINBOW ROAD, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS."


	23. Christmas: Stockings

Clint really shouldn't have expected anything less from Tony Stark. 

The majority of his stocking is stuffed with lovely little gifts, from pretty soaps to expensive chocolates to a dinky colouring book complete with tiny pencils, and he thanks Pepper accordingly when he sees her.

However, wedged at the bottom is the only gift in there which is clearly from Tony himself, and Clint knows he'll be pretty fucking proud of himself. To be honest, Clint is oddly touched by it and takes it to be a symbol of Tony's acceptance of him. Then again, it could be dripping with sarcasm and mocking, which is more likely in Tony's case. Actually, yeah, there's no way Tony would do anything serious. Want to know what it was?

He got Clint a fucking bird feeder. (It actually tastes great, but he doesn't tell Tony that.)


	24. Christmas: Dinner

The spread is absolutely lovely. The table is big with so many of them there, but it’s still surprisingly cramped with all the food as well. They all pile their plates high with crisp roast potatoes, mounds of stuffing, parsnips, carrots, sprouts, mini pigs in blankets, big pigs in blankets, a tonne of gravy, and dotted around are a load of dishes from elsewhere; Clint can see curries, chow meins, paella, bolognese, a big pile of chips and a whole host of stuff that he couldn’t name if he tried.

However, when they bring out a huge, juicy, “free range!” turkey, Clint’s eager grin drops. He swallows thickly and can only stare with sorrow at the poor bird. from next to him, Sam grasps his hand and sniffs ever so quietly. They sit for a long moment, heads bowed in respect. 

Then they dig in.


	25. Christmas: Steve's Present

They all gather around the tree, barely able to move for all the food they’re stuffed with. 

Steve gives out all his presents first, seeing as his metabolism allows him to actually move after a massive meal. When he gets to Clint, he hands him a small envelope.

There is a square card inside with a chicken on the front. The inside reads “You have adopted a chicken for those who most need it! Merry Christmas from Steve and Oxfam”. 

Clint raises an eyebrow, and Steve’s smile fades. “A chicken?” Clint says eventually.

“...Yeah?” Steve looks worried now. He thought it was thematic.

“Hmm. Tell me; where did my chicken go? Did I send them to a good family?”

“Ah… I don’t know, Oxfam do all that.”

“What if it’s gone to an abusive family?”

“Well I’m sure -”

“Oh god, my chicken is in danger.”

“No, it’ll be -”

“MY CHICKEN IS IN DANGER, STEVE.”

Steve can only stare with a mixture of horror and regret and apologise; it was meant to be a nice gesture, he never thought it would cause so much distress.

After a moment, Clint grins. “Chill, Stevie. I’m fucking with you.”

Steve flops back onto the sofa in exasperation. Clint Barton could be a cheeky motherfucker sometimes.


	26. Christmas: Bruce's Present

Bruce also hands Steve an envelope. Inside is a voucher for a free mutant/cross-species genetics trial.

“They’re working on the key genes for wings at the moment,” he explains. “Although, the mutation one is led by Hank McCoy so… I wouldn’t go for that one unless you specifically want to end up as a bluebird.”

Clint smirks.

“And as for the cross-species genetics,” Bruce continues, “I’ve heard Oscorp are working on some stuff.”

Someone drops down from the ceiling, grabs the voucher and glares at Bruce. “No they’re not,” Peter Parker says with an unconvincingly high level of certainty before jumping back to wherever he came from.

Bruce turned back to Clint and shrugged. “Well, that fucked that up.”


	27. Christmas: Thor's Present

Thor’s present comes in a large, ornate box. Inside lies a beautiful pair of intricately decorated wings.

Clint’s jaw drops. He carefully extracts them and Nat helps fit them onto his back. He stands up, presses a discre tree button on them and they extend, folding out to beautiful points. He passes a hand across the material - leather feathers line the inside, the suede soft and supple, and studs run along the top. Decorative stitching runs all over them, shimmering with an ethereal quality.

"Wow..." Clint whispers. Bruce looks put out considering how well his present went. "Do they work?"

Thor replies, "Well, they're mostly decorative - worn by the young girls who play the birds and... dinosaurs, I think you call them? Yes, the dinosaurs in Asgardian school plays and productions -"

Clint huffs. "I am not a dinosaur. Or a young girl." He flounces off, wings fluttering behind him.

Thor seems to consider looking offended, but shrugs and moves on with a big grin. Bruce is grinning too.


	28. Christmas: Nat's Present

Nat's present is in a huge gift bag. Clint pulls out the fluffy red thing which unrolls and is revealed to be an Angry Birds onesie.

"Fuck yes," Clint grins, giving Nat a grateful kiss before pulling the onesie on over his clothes. "I AM THE ANGRY BIRDS KING!" (He has beaten Stark at every extension pack as well.)

Wrapped inside the onesie is a further Angry Birds merch collection; a load of adorable plushies and [this](http://wirelessmedia.ign.com/wireless/image/article/122/1223763/angry-birds-20120425050254763.jpg) headpiece. Clint is incredibly overexcited by these and puts the yellow bird headpiece on, moving over to where Tony is sat with his own gifts. Clint takes great pleasure in headbutting Tony and pelting him with plushies alternately. 

"Cheers, Nat," Tony deadpans, arms crossed and staring straight ahead. He puts up with the attack for longer than anyone expects he would before taking Clint in a headlock and wrestling the thing off his head and retaliating in pillow fight fashion. Little does he know, Sam has been collecting the plushies and overpowers Tony once and for all with a barrage of fluff balls. 

Nat is almost regretting her present. Almost.


	29. Christmas: Tony and Pepper's Present

"I'm almost tempted not to give it to you after that." Tony's still not impressed that he was targeted for the Angry Birds attack. 

Clint flutters his eyelash at him.

"Now how can I resist you when you do that?" he smirks. "This is actually for you _and_ Sam. And we have to head elsewhere to actually see it."

Clint looks to Sam, who only shrugs and gets up to follow Tony out the room. They all follow into the lift and Tony takes them up a few levels, grinning at Pepper. They've had this in planning for quite some time. 

They go out onto the balcony. The actual balcony. At the other end is a chunk of soil with a tree in it. In the tree is a tree house. 

"Oh. My. God. That's a fucking tree house," is all Clint can say. "Is that our present?"

"Yup," Tony replies, with a huge and deserved level of self-satisfaction.

"Damn." Sam is otherwise speechless. 

Needless to say, they spend the rest of the day up there.


	30. Christmas Day!

“Sir, there is a surprise present outside.”

“Not a wooden horse, is it?”

“No, sir. I have checked it and deem it safe.”

“Alright, bring it up to me.”

“It’s not for you, sir.”

Tony seems offended at the prospect. “Then who’s it for?”

“It is addressed to Mr Barton, sir.”

“Hmm. Guess he should probably have it then. Unless I want it. Then it’s mine.”

“Hey!” Clint chips in.

“You live in my house, the number one desirable location in probably the world, completely rent free; I think I have a right to take whoever’s presents I want.”

The lift doors slide open, revealing a large package positioned in its centre. It’s a big box; rectangular, portrait, wrapped round with a big pink bow. They all gather around it in a curious silence.

Bruce is the first to break it. “...Okay, tell me I’m not the only one thinking this: that’s about the right size for a body.”

“Maybe Thor found Loki’s corpse. That’d be a nice gift.”

“Tony…” Pepper warns.

“What? It would.”

Thor chuckles. "Unfortunately not, my friend."

“Let’s just open it already,” Sam urges.

“You said it was clean, JAR’?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then I’m going with Bird #2: go for it.”

The bow pulls free easily and falls to the elevator floor. Clint grasps the front of the box where it opens and takes a deep breath. He really hopes that this isn’t going to fuck up Christmas.

The cardboard flap falls to the floor and so do all their jaws.

Standing before them, decorated with a tinsel necklace and a Christmas jumper with literal baubles hanging off it, is Phil Coulson.

He looks out at everyone with that familiar smile (eyes lingering a little too long on Steve) waiting for someone to say something, but they’re stunned to silence. Eventually he says, “Hi.”

“Boy, you sure know how to make an entrance,” Tony deadpans.

“It’s listed under my special skills.”

“How about we start with “how the fuck is this possible”?” Nat interrupts.

Agent (if agents are even a thing anymore) Coulson shuffles his feet, staring at them. “It’s kind of a long story.” He looks back up, brightening. “How about I tell you over Christmas dinner?”

Tony opens his mouth to answer, but before he can say anything, Clint paces forward and clamps his arms around Phil. He ignores the baubles digging awkwardly into his chest and arms and thanks whoever's listening up there that his CO is back. It’s the best present he ever could’ve got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone!


	31. Boxing Day

“Oh, Clint, I forgot; I have a present for you,” Coulson says as they’re all sat around watching Elf. He taps his earpiece. “Send her in.”

A tall woman enters the room and Clint recognises her immediately. He runs over and they embrace, as Coulson explains: “May I present Miss Bobbi Morse, a.k.a… Mockingbird.”

Sam shoots up. “Bird buddy?” he asks Clint.

The Bird Boss nods. 

“BIRD BUDDIES!!!” Sam rushes over and welcomes their new club member, hugging and whooping and dancing and cawing in celebration.

The other Avengers have to switch the subtitles on.


	32. Clint's Birthday

"You can open your eyes now, Clint."

Nat is the best fucking girlfriend in the world. Clint leans across to the driver’s seat to give her a huge hug - taking her a little by surprise, but happily so - before launching himself out of the car and running towards the hawkery faster than Nat had seen him run in any battle. When he was halfway across the car park, Nat smirked as she heard Clint yell, with insane joy, _”Caw caw motherfuckeeerrrrrrr!!!”_

This was definitely a good choice for a birthday outing.


	33. Clint's Birthday Part 2

Clint eventually managed to calm down. He sits now in the seating area, post-birds-of-prey-display, a hawk sat quite happily on the side of his hand. The rest of the audience left half an hour ago, but Nat had managed to persuade one of the flyers to stay a little later and introduce Clint to the birds.

As she watches, another one swoops in from its hunt and lands delicately on Clint’s head. It gulps down its prey and lets out a squawk.

“That’s right,” Clint says, reaching up to stroke its ruff absently. “Caw caw, you little motherfucker.”

He stays there with his new friends until the park closes. And until Nat persuades him it's not a good idea to try and take one of the birds home - not right now, anyway (and apparently adoption is generally off the table at this place). One hawk, who Clint names Monty, follows him home nonetheless, flying easilt alongside the car. The keepers try to get him back, but Nat speeds off before Monty can change his mind or the panicking keepers can get even vaguely close. Clint cheers.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be infrequent for a while just til I get my academic life back on track. There's a two-part piece already written for Clint's birthday (Jan 7th) but I haven't had a chance to do a new year one. More is definitely on the way though, and more characters will be coming in, including Bucky and Kate Bishop amongst others.


End file.
